Thursday, July 05, 2007

Is Love All That Matters?

Many people state when utilising donor conception or adoption that love is all that matters. In a very simple world it would in some ways be nice if it was. But the world, our lives, our relationships and our families are anything but simple.
If love is all that matters, then why are divorce rates so high? These couples were so in love with each other that they got married but they then developed irreconcilable differences and they can quite often end up being very bitter towards each other. It is a sad and simple fact that not all love is permanent. What is permanent however, are biological/genetic connections. These can never fade or be erased. You are either related to someone through blood and genes or you are not. This is where the phrase blood is thicker than water originally stems from. Biological relations who sometimes experience difficulties will come together in times of need, where non-biological ones would not. It has formed the basis of our culture and our humanity for thousands of years, yet donor conception attempts to degrade this foundation by eroding the physical and emotional connections between a donor father/mother and their offspring.
Adults will do anything for their own children including giving up their own lives but they very rarely would do the same for another couples child. Why? It is the preservation of the next generation, the continuation of your genes and the keeping of the family unit. Donor conception blurs the edges of the otherwise definable family unit. No longer are the raising parents always the biological ones, who on the other hand are lurking in the shadows. Perhaps never to be seen or heard, yet forever present. Can love help smooth out these blotches in the family unit? Sometimes it can but if the relationships within this unit become strained for whatever reason, the foundation can be eroded even further. This has adverse consequences for both the child and non-biological parent.
When we see that numerous donor offspring are experiencing emotional pain from kinship loss, incomplete identity and family health histories who are also from families that are still intact with all parties that love each other we have to question whether Love Is All That Matters.