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Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Distress Over "Anti-DC" Comments

I have seen numerous comments recently that are mainly from recipient parents that are distressed over the statements of dissatisfaction and feelings of pain that some offspring have. In particular there seems to be a common theme of concern that their DC children will also feel this way and may also harbour some sort of ill feelings towards them.
As a father I can certainly sympathise with this in that no caring parent would deliberately do anything that would cause their child harm and that the child would then bear a “grudge” or the like against their parent. I think every parent would naturally harbour these fears.
I for one certainly do not have ill feelings towards my parents for their course of action even though it has caused considerable pain. I love them very much. I do not blame them for it even though I wish that was not the method to which I was conceived (I do not wish to go into the argument of then not existing here).
My negative statements towards donor conception is not born out a perverse desire to upset wanna-be and existing recipient parents. They are quite simply there to make people think more deeply about the subject and to look at it through different perspectives.
For myself personally it would have been far easier emotionally if I had stayed happy and grateful about being DC. It was a much more difficult, painful and emotionally taxing journey to come to my position and conclusions. The “epiphany” that I had about DC when my daughter was born was by no means a happy moment but an extremely distressing one.
I know that not everyone will agree with me and it would be a pretty boring world if they all did. There are many offspring that are happy with their conception, and that is great for them, but for every child that has some sort of problem (loss of identity, medical history, kinship separation etc) we are adding to a generation of suffering to which as a society we are not learning from.
In some ways I wish I could go back and be happy and ignorant once again, but to do so would require me to discard everything that I know and love about what it is to be human.


Sue NZ said...

I too wish this hadnt come to my attention because the pain I know it is causing people who want to know their true family history breaks my heart also.It is a huge issue and needs to be addressed.My thoughts and prayers are with you.

damianhadams said...

Thankyou Sue.