Monday, November 20, 2006

How We Tell The Offspring

The way children are currently told ties in with existential debt and the need for feeling grateful about being alive and conceived in this manner.

The current trend in informing offspring of their conception origins is that the child is made to feel as though this was a special thing, that they as a result are special, that the mum and dad went to extraordinary lengths to have them and that some person gave them an enormous gift.

While some of these factors are true, by presenting it in this fashion it already imposes a mode of thought on behalf of the child. The mode that they should be happy or proud about their origins and that they already are indebted. They are now burdened with an existential debt and are required to feel grateful. Because as the proponents of DC and in particlular those that support anonymity state that to not approve of your own conception and not express gratitude is to deny your own existence. This is one of the worst examples of the ends justifying the means I've ever seen.

By informing children this way, it does not allow them to fully explore their own thoughts and feelings on the matter. They do not have to feel happy about the way they were conceived at all and the fact that they may never know their blood relations and find out who they are themselves.

They have had someone decide on their behalf before they were even conceived which biological connection will be important to them and which one can be simply disposed of. It is a perfectly natural human emotion to be angry or upset over this.

Yet they are not allowed to explore these emotions because it may be upsetting to mum and dad while at the same time contradicting the notion of them having to be grateful.

Certainly it is far better to inform the offspring of their origins and allow them to explore their own emotions on the situation and support them in every way. It does not mean that they do not love their parents any less.

It also does not necessarily mean that all offspring will feel this way, some may still be very happy with their conception. It just means that we should not be conditioning the children to believe that there is only one way in which they should feel.

I used to feel grateful for my existence and even proud of being donor conceived. But now that my own children have opened my eyes, my mind and my heart to what was missing from my own life was I able to truly see what my origins had deprived me. Nothing can fix the sorrow I feel for my own loss and the loss experienced by other donor conceived children.

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